a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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