Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
