the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
