But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
