I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
