he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
