Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize