I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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