plz talk dirty to me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
