I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
