I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
