Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
