I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
