Just took my morning after pill in the library
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You made out with two different species that night
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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