My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
