Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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