idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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