either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
