I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
