My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
