I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
