mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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