Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
