i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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