Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize