I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
