she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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