Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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