Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
