My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize