he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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