Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
