she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
this hospital has no fireball
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize