I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
