My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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