I can't breathe out the right side of my face
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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