i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is Oprah even human
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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