You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
