This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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