I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
