"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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