im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
