chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
