Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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