I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
