If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
