Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
