i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize