did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
