Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
