capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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