one might say we're banned from that church
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
