The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
