I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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