nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize