Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
