just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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