I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
