I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
