tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
