woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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