when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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