i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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