That's intense
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My cat gives me a boner
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
