I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sober January is a disaster.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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