Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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