I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
