i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
now i know why i became what i already was.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
