3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
In the future we'll all be gay
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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