I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
