everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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