Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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