He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
