Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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