i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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