He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
