I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
