My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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