i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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