just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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