I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
