i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
