Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
