i think i have two assholes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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