No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
