I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
