I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
