you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize