dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
