i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
