What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
