Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
