So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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