i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
