I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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