the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize