My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
