I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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