I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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