how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
