I feel great
I just peed on a car
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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