Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
