tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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